Shiji
by She of too Much Free Time
Summary: Have you ever felt that you could just disappear, and it wouldn’t matter?


Shiji

We all have our losses.

Some people take it in stride. Others never get over it.

Still others, never realize that they've lost anything at all…

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Have you ever felt that you could just disappear, and it wouldn't matter?

If I wasn't here…

Then Uc-chan never would have lost her dowry…

Shampoo would have never lost to me and could still be living happily in her village….

Akane would still be living her peaceful life…

Mom would never have had to spend all those years alone…

Ryoga wouldn't have a curse or be consumed with vengeance…

Mousse would have a better chance of winning Shampoos affections…

Kasumi wouldn't have to worry about her sister, new damages or extra mouths to feed…

So many people would be living happier lives….

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Ranma Saotome didn't think much. Well, as long as it didn't concern martial arts, he didn't think much.

Everyone who knew of Ranma also knew that fact.

Of course why he didn't think much was up to much speculation…

Well, not really….

People just pegged him as an idiot. Not as big as an idiot as Kuno of course, thank kami-sama, but an idiot nonetheless.

Which, frankly, is pretty stupid of them.

Ranma didn't have much common sense, and didn't always think too far ahead on things, that much is obviously true. And academically speaking... But there's more then one-way to be intelligent, and as far and Ranma was concerned who the 26th leader of the country was didn't matter towards his career as a martial artist.

But there is another reason Ranma didn't like to spend time thinking. It leads to _thoughts_.

Well, right now you're thinking 'no shit', but just put down that bat and listen 'till I'm done.

Now when you live a life with people out for your life, and others out for your love (and a couple freaks out for both) thoughts can sometimes be chaotic. But when the people out for your blood keep blaming you for things you can't help, and those who claim to love you probably couldn't even guess your favorite color, would you want to think to deeply on it?

And when you've only been taught fighting throughout your life, with little contact with other people…

And stupid training…

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My dad doesn't protect me from the monsters under my bed; he gives me to them….

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Neglect and cruel words…

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"Stupid boy"

Freak, idiot, fool, moron….

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Sometimes it can be easier to get through it all, if one doesn't concentrate on it.

So it's pretty easy not to.

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Pervert.

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So then you don't realize that the girl who blames you for using violence to solve everything…

Uses violence more then you to solve conflicts.

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That one hurts most.

I can't help it. I didn't ask for this curse! I don't want this _curse_!!

Because when I'm in it….

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So then you don't have to wonder why you enjoy playing 'girl' so much…

And why you seem to be doing it more as the fights around increase. 

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When I'm in my girl form, people treat me better. They treat me like I have _feelings_! They complement me. Give without asking back. I once spent the entire day with a group of nice girls, experiencing what friendship is _suppose_ to be.

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You don't have to wonder why it seem that your friends only seemed concerned about how far you've gotten with Akane…

Even though you got hit pretty hard in yesterday's battle.

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What loyalty is suppose to be.

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You don't have to think to hard on the pig that sleeps in the same bed as your fiancé…

The same pig that turns into a boy who claims _you_ to be dishonorable.

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What love is suppose to be.

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You don't need to think that those who say they love you try to claim you with tricks, twisting around words, and subtle (or not) hints.

So then you don't need to wonder if you're really just a prize.

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Unconditional

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So you don't have to worry that your mother carries around the family sword. Or that your father cares more about keeping his stomach full then having you be happy. Or that Soun doesn't care who you marry as long as it's one of his daughters (expect for Nabiki).

So you don't have to worry about a way out of the fiancé mess without breaking anyone's honor. You don't have to wonder whose true and whose not.

You don't have to realize you've been left with nothing to fall back on. That you have no place to go, even if you left this place.

That you have no roots, or any friends to find.

You don't have to think that your life isn't really 'your life' at all.

And so, you don't.


End file.
